I want to commit the murder I was imprisoned for.

wizardick:

alternatively if someone asks you what you did today just grimly look down at your hands and say “something I should have done a long time ago…”

tall-dark-n-creepy:

dajo42:

whenever somebody says like “so what did you do today?” just look off into the distance and say “the right thing”

Then stare right into their eyes and say, “I hope”

Phoebe Buffay Best Comebacks

raisinbrandy:

i see a lot of posts on tumblr along the lines of “let’s watch movies and make out” and yeah i can see the fun in that if the movie is boring but if the movie is REALLY GOOD and has a lot of intense action scenes or dialogue then don’t kiss me don’t tOUCH ME DON’T LOOK AT ME BECAUSE YOU BETTER BE WATCHING THE GODDAMN CINEMATIC MASTERPIECE ON THE SCREEN WE CAN HAVE SEX AFTER THE AVENGERS SAVE THE CITY

elenagllbert:

my skin has turned to

ruinedchildhood:

where is the lie

ruinedchildhood:

where is the lie

petrovas-whore:

closing time
every new beginning comes from
some other beginning’s end?

accio-motivation:

kaonashizen:

bleu:

look , i literally can’t stress how cute this deleted parks and rec scene is and im about to lose my fucking shit.

Im in love with Chris Pratt

marauderer

manipulistic:

Drake seen in recovery after “Anaconda” music video

manipulistic:

Drake seen in recovery after “Anaconda” music video

wonnderr-lusttt:

looow-tus:

undftdaniel:

defend-sissy-boy-emo:

jadelyn:

holypuckingcow:

abbysetcetera:

Adulthood doesn’t mean you stop drinking juice pouches and eating fruit snacks. It means buying your own. 

and mixing them with vodka

At 3 in the morning while marathoning your favorite show because nobody can tell you to go to bed.

And then regretting your decisions the next morning.

Because you have to work.

and make more money to buy fruit snacks and juice pouches.

and vodka
yourflowerqueen:

Someone let the giraffe out at the louisville zoo last night during the purge

yourflowerqueen:

Someone let the giraffe out at the louisville zoo last night during the purge

dizziest-daisy:

is anyONE ELSE JUST SO EXCITED FOR PUMPKINS AND HOT CHOCOLATE AND HaLLOwEEEEN AND SPOOKY MOVIES AND FAIRS AND KNEE SOCKS AND PUMPKIN LATTES AND BIG BLANKETS AND COZY CUDDLY SWEATERS AND PRETTY LEAVES AND i just started crYING